Are you attracting the man you deserve?
Asked on Quora: A 37-year-old guy I met on a dating website wants us to be friends only and that we should grow into it. He said he likes me. Should I keep looking or give him more time?
Answer by Tamra:
Give him more of your precious time? I don't think so! Friends don't need to have sex…and certainly you have every right to be holding out for at least a commitment of monogamy. You are going to have to let go of anyone that does not meet your standards. You can get to know someone non-sexually and decide if the two of you are compatible and want a relationship, but you don't need to second guess your decision to say goodbye to guys that only want sex. This is called sticking to the standards, you espouse to have.
You can certainly choose for yourself as a grown woman to have meaningless "safe" sex, but know there are always risks. However, if your desire is to find a man worthy of your time, you will have to be patient. You are in control of your life and your decisions about your body and your heart. Love yourself and celebrate the fact that you know you are worth the wait every time.
The reality is that many guys will behave like boys when they are used to getting their way. There are enough women that will sleep with a guy on the first date to make them think it is worth a try. Women have every right to do that, but I believe it is never in her own best interest if she is seeking a relationship. She may be a quality woman, but that is not the message she is sending. He may be a quality man, but the message he is sending is that he is a boy. Once they have set the bar that low, it is difficult to recover. No matter where you are in a relationship, start enacting standards.
Boys seek quantity, men seek quality.
It is up to you to stick to your own wants, needs and values. If a guy is not willing to stick around and get to know you without sex up front, he is not worth your time. He may not be looking for a relationship or he may just not want one with you. Either way, he is not the man you want anyway.
You are not looking for him, in fact you are not looking at all. Do not waste your energy seeking the right guy. Instead, as a woman who knows her worth you will be attracting the right potential candidates. Girls seek, but women are sought. You will naturally attract the type of man you believe you deserve.
Do not take it personally if a guy disappears because he does not get his way when you don't put out. This is a gift! It does not matter what he SAYS the reason is…look at his actions. He is either trying to get to know you while courting you, and trying to win your trust and heart or he is not. In the meantime…
Enjoy your freedom, your amazing life and the fun of being single!