Asked on Quora:
How should a woman cope with being unattractive?
Answer by Tamra:
We know the story of the duck that did not fit in with the crowd and believed himself ugly by comparison. The truth finally set him free.
In reality we are all judged on our appearance, from our head to our toes. The beauty bias is real and backed by many scientific studies.
However, deep attraction is more than stereotypical beauty ideals which can vary from culture to culture. Two people can share an intense romantic chemistry and an attraction of the souls that transcends cultural beauty standards.
"Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart."
The more two people are attracted to one another for reasons beyond superficial beauty, the more they begin to find each other actually beautiful.
There are plenty of ways to feel pretty on your own.
Instead of comparing ourselves to relentless, fake and unattainable beauty standards in media, we need to find ways to express our own real beauty.
I don't want you to merely cope. I want you to thrive and take control of how you see yourself and present yourself to the world. Confidence is sexy, but so is a gentle and kind soul. Your beauty is unique, and you are the only one who can truly decide how to let it shine.
My final five personal beauty tips:
Acceptance…Love yourself as you are in this moment.
Truth…Is there anything you know you are doing that is unhealthy?
Appreciation…We all have different attributes, gifts, weaknesses and talents. Write down everything about yourself that you have right now.
Connection…Friendship is beautiful, so meet with old friends or make new ones, socialize and let your human heart feel the warmth and beauty of connection with another.
Give…Give up on what is not in your control and free yourself. This goes against all the advice to fight fat, acne, aging, gray hair etc…but I am not talking about letting yourself go. Give up on the silly idea that you can be happy while comparing yourself to others. Our happiness is never found outward. Give yourself permission to be human, imperfect and still 100% lovable, loving and perfect as the universe made you.
“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful, I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.” -Warsan Shire