Seven Steps to Understanding the Sexes
Asked on Quora:
I'm wondering if I just don't understand men?
Answer by Tamra:
If you are applying who you are and want as a woman to a man, then it will not generally transfer. Each person is unique of course, but men and women can differ significantly. There are many books about the ways women and men view the world and each other, suggesting that men are simple compared with women and focused on career and status more than relationships. This is certainly a stereotype but may be true in some cases.
Here are seven tips to gain understanding and improve your relationships with men:
1. Be clear in your own communications, your needs and your wishes with the men in your life.
2. Do not expect men to guess or have intuition on the level that many women possess. It takes time and trust to develop a deeper relationship.
3. Do pay attention to what he does more than what he says. Truth is in the deed, not the word. When he is upfront with who he is; pay attention. Men will show you who they are and what they are all about with their actions.
4. Ask directly for what you want and appreciate his attempts to please you. A man will go to great lengths to please the woman he cares about, but will not respond well to criticism. A man will not often guess what you need correctly, but a man who gives you his best when you communicate your needs is a keeper.
5. Do not attempt to change him. This is a difficult one, because we often see great potential in those we love. He will see this as criticism of who he is now. Accept him as he is, and he may suprise you. You are not his mother. Boys need mothering, men need respect.
6. Encourage him to communicate by listening and respecting any differences. You are both right. Everything is perspective.
7. Know and be yourself and let him be himself. He is not you, and you are complete without him, but make sure the man in your life knows that you appreciate him. If your relationship is not mutually respectful and growing, then it may be time to reassess the situation or leave.
We all deserve the love and respect we give to come back to us.