• Tamra Coveau

Why Men Still Love the Chase!



Why is the modern man still chasing the modern woman?

Women can and do chase men, but are then often disappointed with the outcome. Men may be flattered by the attention, but it is short-lived. This is not about inequality or gender bias. Women and men pursue in different ways. Everywhere in the animal kingdom we see biological examples of males showing off their stuff, in hopes of attracting the choosy female.

Evolution history also portrays men as hunters and women as gatherers. Men focus on a target, in this case a woman to woo and win over, and then decides whether or not to keep her around. Women collect potential men of interest and examine them for flaws and qualities in a process that results in the best selection. The last man standing after the newness of each wears off a bit, will reveal who by elimination makes the cut. The human psychology of our ancestry is in favor of the woman having the power to choose the man, out of her group of competing suitors, which is fair considering the outcome of mating is often her pregnancy. Men choose whom to chase. Women choose the winner.

The good thing about a woman dating multiple people is that a woman will gain perspective about the value each man adds to her life. The drawback is that in truth she may not like any of them on their own, and the combination is a way to bounce around and never have to face that reality.

The man who wins a woman over has beat out the competition and suddenly more of her energy is put into him. This is when he begins either planning their future together or his escape plan. The tables are turned, because knowing he has won takes some of the thrill of the chase away. Only after the conquest does a man determine if there is enough keeping him with the woman or if it was only about the game of competition. Winning the competition is great for his ego, but the ego is never satisfied, so unless there is also substance and the seeds of love, he will not stay satisfied with any win.

Some men are only about the chase and avoid real intimacy at all costs. Women can avoid intimacy also, and date multiple people without ever choosing. These men and women are the "players" of the game who are not in it to love, but to avoid love, at least for the time being.

There is nothing wrong with not being ready for the commitment of love, and concentrating on your career or other fulfilling aspects of your life as a man or woman. Whatever your gender, sexual identity or preference, you play the game as either a chaser or chooser until you are ready for a commitment. It is best to date from a place of integrity and be honest from the beginning about your intentions. Even in cases where you are not ready or thinking about a serious relationship, you never know when love will strike. Be the person you want to be when you meet the love of your life and it will happen sooner.


For all of us, real love takes commitment, and finding a partner that will continue to both challenge and thrill you is how you both win the game.

#Advice #relationships #rules #love #competition #men #dating

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