• Tamra Coveau

The Most Overlooked Factor in Finding Love!



How can you tell if the one you have been dating is a keeper?

Before passing away, my grandfather who was happily married for sixty-six years to my grandmother, gave me the answer. He told me it is someone who makes your life better. This sounds obvious, but it really is not. The reason is simple...people often put the focus on a mental list of the qualities and factors they are looking for in a potential love interest and life partner.

Things like attractiveness, shared values, similar interests, education, religious preference, political affiliation, family orientation and financial stability often make the cut. Some people get very detailed about height, income, and number of kids they want to have in trying to find a compatible match. The problem with this method is that each little box we mentally check off tricks us into thinking this person must be the one we want, even we are not happy with them. Then we reason either that we need higher expectations and more boxes or that we are being too picky and need to remove some boxes. Enough of the boxes!

While physical connection, emotional intimacy and mental stimulation are all vital in developing a relationship, they are not enough to determine success. Even while the relationship is in the beginning, there should be some indication that your life is better for knowing this person. Despite the fact that we all strive to be whole, healthy and complete individuals, we do need one another and relationships make life more meaningful.

Really examining how you feel around this person may be a surprise, when stacked up beside all those lists and boxes. The relationship is what happens between two people, so even if you find the one that measures up to most of what is on your list of desired traits and qualities, the person may not be making your life better. Sometimes the brain makes that list, or you have been told a million times by society, family, or friends what they think should be on that list and it won't make you happy.

The best indicator is the way you feel not just in the moment you are with them, but the moments you are away. Those moments are telling you more than any checked off box could on a list. So, don't worry so much if some of the boxes don't check off, but remember the words of wisdom from a love that spanned a lifetime.

"Find someone who makes your life better," and think outside the box!

How can you tell if the one you have been dating is a keeper? Before passing away, my grandfather who was happily married for sixty-six years to my grandmother, gave me the answer. He told me it is someone who makes your life better. This sounds obvious, but it really is not. The reason is simple...people often put the focus on a mental list of the qualities and factors they are looking for in a potential love interest and life partner.

Things like attractiveness, shared values, similar interests, education, religious preference, political affiliation, family orientation and financial stability often make the cut. Some people get very detailed about height, income, and number of kids they want to have in trying to find a compatible match. The problem with this method is that each little box we mentally check off tricks us into thinking this person must be the one we want, even we are not happy with them. Then we reason either that we need higher expectations and more boxes or that we are being too picky and need to remove some boxes. Enough of the boxes!

While physical connection, emotional intimacy and mental stimulation are all vital in developing a relationship, they are not enough to determine success. Even while the relationship is in the beginning, there should be some indication that your life is better for knowing this person. Despite the fact that we all strive to be whole, healthy and complete individuals, we do need one another and relationships make life more meaningful.

Really examining how you feel around this person may be a surprise, when stacked up beside all those lists and boxes. The relationship is what happens between two people, so even if you find the one that measures up to most of what is on your list of desired traits and qualities, the person may not be making your life better. Sometimes the brain makes that list, or you have been told a million times by society, family, or friends what they think should be on that list and it won't make you happy.

The best indicator is the way you feel not just in the moment you are with them, but the moments you are away. Those moments are telling you more than any checked off box could on a list. So, don't worry so much if some of the boxes don't check off, but remember the words of wisdom from a love that spanned a lifetime. "Find someone who makes your life better," and think outside the box!

#Advice #relationships

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